He, who does not give up

It is sickening that I have turned my back on Him, but he refused to let me go.

Before college, I have always attended adult service at church with my parents, so I never had the chance to share His love with people of my age. Naturally, when I came to college, it was a new experience. I realized that the brothers and sisters in my fellowship have elevated my trust and love for Him; I became more thirsty for His love and for greater knowledge.

To my surprise, I had to take a year off after my first year. At first, I was baffled. I just did not know how to react. I really didn’t. As any student would, I questioned God, “Why me?” I initially thought that he had given up on me. I thought He and I were on the same page. I thought he saw me grow in His opened arms, but felt as if he tossed me aside.

Boy, was I wrong. He wanted me to seek for Him without depending on others (Acts 17:27). He wanted one on one time with me! How marvelous is that? To assure me that I do not need friends to confirm my belief, but to solely rely on God for who He is. When that mentality began to shape up, I couldn’t help but to believe that I was the chosen one to be His best friend! Through that year-long absence from school, I have become so close to God. I was afraid of Him at first, but He became my best friend. Those were the happiest days of my life! (Sure, that I didn’t have to stress from school assignments could have mitigated the problem, but seriously… God can do wonders)

Unfortunately and unexpectedly, our friendship vitiated last semester. After I came back to school, I was SO confident that I could achieve so much with His help… but for some reason, I turned away from that. I shut Him out. I did not let Him in my life. In hindsight, I think that was the darkest time of my life. But cut me some slack, because I did try to resist the temptations and return to Him. But I surrendered to school work, lack of discipline, and to other personal reasons. How foolish is that?

Before this semester started, I promised myself that I would change. I promised Him that I will not be the same.

I can proudly say that I am not the same man of yesterday. I am very confident that I can finally earn a 4.0 gpa (yes I know… it’s only been the first week of school). I am very confident that I can get closer to God again. To my Father.

I am a disciple on campus. I will do my best to share His love to everyone.

He saved me, so I don’t see how he can’t save you.

 

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” – Hebrews 13:8

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For the First Time

Spoiler alert: It isn’t actually my first time, but oh well. Here we go!

20 years of my life, I’ve been to 7 different schools (excluding kindergarten)… with my sister. Same elementary school in Korea to same elementary school in America to same elementary school after the district-change to same middle school to a same middle school in a different district to same high school… and to same college (I’ve been practicing to become an auctioneer. Only joking, I couldn’t think of a better way to express the list of schools – mea culpa).

And no, I do not have a twin sister. But mind as well call her my twin, because 9 out of 10 people remind us that we look the same. Some say that we even sound the same… just kidding about the second part. We didn’t like it at first, but we grew out of it. Now, whenever I call her ugly, she calmly replies, “you look like me” and we just have a laugh at it. 

Sadly, that streak has ended. Image

She is now a graduate.

I must admit, I could have been a more well-rounded, independent individual if I did not have a sister to look up to, but there were many benefits to having a sister whom I frequently ran into in hallways. To think, it is amazing that we ran into each other so often in college. She was like a mother to me in college. Always checking up on me to see if I am eating and doing well, and whatnot. I appreciated it a lot.

I am going back to college in 3 days, and I have not put much thought into it, but I think I will struggle to find someone/something to fill the huge void she has left behind. Like really… And frankly, I very dislike saying affectionate statements. You know, statements that make you feel “gooey” inside. Don’t get me wrong, I show my gratitude and apologize when needed, but I suppose my sister and my parents don’t hear that from me as much as they deserve. I guess that’s an indication that I have been taking them for granted.

I am honestly nervous. It is like my first time living away from home where my sister isn’t around when I need her. But more importantly, I am more nervous for her. She will be studying assiduously for MCAT to pursue her dream. And I thought I was exposed to the real world when I graduated high school. She is in her transition to the real world. We have reached a point where we can no longer support each other academically and help make decision for each other. Yes, we can still opine in given situations, but it is ultimately our own choice to make the decision for ourselves.

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I know she’s a hard, tenacious worker. Never bending to compelling forces. When you tell her that she can’t, she will prove you wrong. She is that type of person. So I should not worry about her so much, because my classes will begin soon, but it is something I just cannot help with.

I am sorry, but I honestly cannot conjure the theme for this post. All I can say is that because my family has always been a very, close, knitted family, it would be harder for me to live hours away from home all alone. My family and I literally do everything together. If one of us needs to go to the bank, we all roll out together as if we had planned a bank heist. Heck, my dad, my sister, and I play a game every night to make the loser do the dishes so my mom doesn’t have to worry about them.

Point is, I feel like I am breaking the bond or I am forced out of the group. Friends are great, but they are not the same.

I suppose this is my first fear that I will be learning to overcome for the year.
What about you? What is your fear you are willing/forced to face?

 

PS: Sorry, those aren’t my sister’s graduation caps. As much as I wanted to use pictures of us, I didn’t want to expose her identity without her consent.

Reminding Ourselves Using the Internet

Technology has come a long way and streamlined the society.

We can pretty much do anything with the Internet. You don’t feel like reaching in your backpack to grab your calculator? You can do that on your computer (WolframAlpha is a great site for any computation). Don’t feel like flipping through large newspaper? You can opt to click through the pages using your computer. And of course, for boys, it’s a great source to tap their curiosity.

But honestly, I see many people squandering the great resource we are so fortunate to have, to vicariously communicate with one another. People are always on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc. A study shows that, on average people log on their Facebook at least 9 times a day (I don’t remember where I got this source from). NINE FREAKING TIMES! That is ridiculous. And what is more disturbing is that, I failed to quit Facebook after deactivating it for almost a year (To my defense, I needed it for some of the clubs/classes at school), and fortunately, I am not too caught up with other social media.

This is not to say that the internet is an impediment to our culture; I am merely pointing out that many of us misuse the great tool we are endowed with. There are many great websites that can help us widen our perspectives and improve our social skills. I personally see social network such as Facebook as a great hindrance. People are so used to texting and chatting, that it naturally becomes awkward for them to communicate face to face. Every time we pick up our phone to text or to socialize on Facebook, we are practically eating “the fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden (Genesis 3:3)” – We become different persons behind our computer! (Genesis 3:10).

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There are many great sites that we can use to remind ourselves of who we are, and here are some of my favorites:

1. Youtube – I hear people say, “Oh my goodness, I waste so much time on Youtube!” I never understood how people can be so attached to their seats while they aimlessly search for funny videos on Youtube. But that is not all it has to offer. You can search so many inspirational videos on Youtube that can motivate us.

2. Ted – I’ve heard that the website does not post certain videos if it does not agree with the speaker, but it still has plethora of inspirational videos. It makes you ask, “what the hell was I thinking the whole time?” Some videos can be a bit lengthy, but it sure is a great website to visit before you go to sleep or when you open your eyes in the morning.

3. MSN – I realized that many websites that assay to inform the audience of what is going on in the world are biased towards either political party, but if I am not mistaking, MSN does not fall under that group. It is a great source to keep yourself informed about what is going on around you, and it does not hurt to be informed as much as you hate the government.

4. WordPress – Geez, where do I start? I started using WordPress about 3-4 weeks ago, and in that short span of time, I have met MANY inspirational writers. If you start to lose faith in humanity, WordPress can resurrect hope in mankind. You just need to know where your interests lie and share your thoughts with other readers. You will be surprised to find many writers who think like you and can encourage you.

I am very certain that there are many websites that can have a positive impact on our lives, and I would love to visit some. So please suggest any websites that encourage in the comments below! Also, I do not dislike Facebook users at all. I possibly can’t. After all, there are over a billion Facebook users out there. That would make me a misanthrope. I am very far from that.

PS: I wanted to add a picture of the sites’ logo next to their names, but I just felt wrong about it… I felt like I was violating some sort of policy. It’s just inexplicable. Also I realize that the only picture I posted is inappropriate, so please let me know if I need to take it down. Thank you

Searching For The “Lost” Little Prince

Before I get started, I would like to point out the matrix of my inspiration: The Little Prince. Frankly, I was never into books until I picked up The Little Prince while babysitting. The book was very concise- yes, it had pictures on almost every page (that could have been one of the factors of being my favorite of all time) – and it pointed out the obvious that we, as grown ups, have been so oblivious about.

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  I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about life, specifically about my outlook attitude, mentality, past, present, future, and friends. I cannot help but to be so conscious about what I am doing every second and how I am spending those precious seconds. Many times, I fail to remind myself that those precious seconds add up to minutes, which add up to hours, days, weeks, months, years, and so on until however long God has made use of me.

Last semester in college, I hit the bottom rock of my life. I was so miserable; I discussed with my family, advisor, and friends about changing my major, but I just couldn’t. Sure, it was mainly because of my pride. Not to condescend upon other majors, but many engineers believe that their studies are the most challenging and laudable subject to study in college. Spare me criticism, because I was not one of them. I believed that anyone can choose to study engineering, but that decision alone does not augment a person’s potential. I believe that the amount of effort, time, and dedication a person puts into her passion defines how ingenious she is. I just couldn’t change my major, because I KNEW I did not do my best. That I thought about changing my major and stressed those around me were abominable. How was I supposed to tell myself that I should change my major if I did not try my best? It just wasn’t fair for myself. I did not give myself a fair chance to attempt and actually tell myself and others if I was capable. The fact that I knew myself and did not do anything to change myself made me very despondent. I constantly thought and believed that nothing could change my attitude and nothing could ever make me smile.

During my winter break, I decided to catch up on reading; I knew that I had to reread The Little Prince to shape my attitude. I just had too many questions to answer for myself. It all began with, “What do I want?” Very broad, but I strongly believe that the answer to that question can take my wheel. I just want to be happy and find reasons to smile (Don’t worry, I am not a pessimist – I am the winner of The Most Talkative award back in middle school, and I used to get in trouble for SMILING/LAUGHING too much – That still remains a mystery to me). To be happy, I had to think like a child, but act like an adult. If the two antitheses can mingle together and coexist, I firmly believe that that will create the ultimate happiness I we so seek.

All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.” – The Little Prince

In time of solitude, I realized that I had known the solution all along. I just had to do my best. Heck, if I do my best and fail, what/whom can I blame? I’m not gonna blame myself for not being able to achieve something if I give it my best. As a matter of fact, I will be proud of myself for pushing myself to do my best. I am certain that that pride will push the ceiling and help me achieve anything I desire. You never know what life has to offer: “What makes the desert beautiful,’ said the little prince, ‘is that somewhere it hides a well…” – The Little Prince.

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You only need to focus on what you must do. You know what you need to do. We all do. We are just so stubborn to tell ourselves the truth and trying to earn pity from others and, worst of all, ourselves. I believe that self-pity is the greatest hindrance to our development.

Never be discouraged; SERIOUSLY look at your mistakes as your lessons. Sure, sometimes the mistakes are so grand that you simply cannot call it a lesson, but time squandered, which you will never get back. However, be aware that that regret will do no good for you unless you have the will to transmute your regret to success.

Discover your passion; admit your mistakes; learn to move on. Don’t let the life take control over you, and take control over your life. Let yourself be tamed by caring people around you. Make sure to tame loving people, responsibility, and life. Just find ways to keep yourself happy all the time. In case you are unsure, here’s the definition for ya:

What does tamed mean? It’s something that’s been too often neglected. It means to create ties.” – The Little Prince

“Grown ups never understood anything by themselves. And it is rather tedious to have to explain things to them time and again” – The Little Prince. Let this not pertain to us. Let’s learn to pay attention to all details. Those minute details can be the missing pieces to our puzzle.

So who and where is your Little Prince?

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PS: I HIGHLY recommend The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery if you haven’t read it. For some odd reason, people tend to have read this book when they were young, but that is the perplexing beauty of it. The book is under children section at a bookstore. I believe adults will learn more than children will by reading this book. After all, children are masters of the knowledge. Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you could recommend me books via comment and your insights on life. As always, thank you!