For the First Time

Spoiler alert: It isn’t actually my first time, but oh well. Here we go!

20 years of my life, I’ve been to 7 different schools (excluding kindergarten)… with my sister. Same elementary school in Korea to same elementary school in America to same elementary school after the district-change to same middle school to a same middle school in a different district to same high school… and to same college (I’ve been practicing to become an auctioneer. Only joking, I couldn’t think of a better way to express the list of schools – mea culpa).

And no, I do not have a twin sister. But mind as well call her my twin, because 9 out of 10 people remind us that we look the same. Some say that we even sound the same… just kidding about the second part. We didn’t like it at first, but we grew out of it. Now, whenever I call her ugly, she calmly replies, “you look like me” and we just have a laugh at it. 

Sadly, that streak has ended. Image

She is now a graduate.

I must admit, I could have been a more well-rounded, independent individual if I did not have a sister to look up to, but there were many benefits to having a sister whom I frequently ran into in hallways. To think, it is amazing that we ran into each other so often in college. She was like a mother to me in college. Always checking up on me to see if I am eating and doing well, and whatnot. I appreciated it a lot.

I am going back to college in 3 days, and I have not put much thought into it, but I think I will struggle to find someone/something to fill the huge void she has left behind. Like really… And frankly, I very dislike saying affectionate statements. You know, statements that make you feel “gooey” inside. Don’t get me wrong, I show my gratitude and apologize when needed, but I suppose my sister and my parents don’t hear that from me as much as they deserve. I guess that’s an indication that I have been taking them for granted.

I am honestly nervous. It is like my first time living away from home where my sister isn’t around when I need her. But more importantly, I am more nervous for her. She will be studying assiduously for MCAT to pursue her dream. And I thought I was exposed to the real world when I graduated high school. She is in her transition to the real world. We have reached a point where we can no longer support each other academically and help make decision for each other. Yes, we can still opine in given situations, but it is ultimately our own choice to make the decision for ourselves.

Image

I know she’s a hard, tenacious worker. Never bending to compelling forces. When you tell her that she can’t, she will prove you wrong. She is that type of person. So I should not worry about her so much, because my classes will begin soon, but it is something I just cannot help with.

I am sorry, but I honestly cannot conjure the theme for this post. All I can say is that because my family has always been a very, close, knitted family, it would be harder for me to live hours away from home all alone. My family and I literally do everything together. If one of us needs to go to the bank, we all roll out together as if we had planned a bank heist. Heck, my dad, my sister, and I play a game every night to make the loser do the dishes so my mom doesn’t have to worry about them.

Point is, I feel like I am breaking the bond or I am forced out of the group. Friends are great, but they are not the same.

I suppose this is my first fear that I will be learning to overcome for the year.
What about you? What is your fear you are willing/forced to face?

 

PS: Sorry, those aren’t my sister’s graduation caps. As much as I wanted to use pictures of us, I didn’t want to expose her identity without her consent.

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