Slump Ends Here

Have you ever heard, “It’s a blessing in disguise”?

Well, sometimes that blessing can be “too good to be true”.

I am certain there are readers who have not read my previous posts, but I will briefly recapitulate my story:

    I was born a Christian, and that has been one of the greatest blessings but an impediment in my development. Although I am bilingual, it is easier for me to stay focused and truly understand when I listen to sermons in English… but because I have been attending services with my parents in a Korean church, I found myself daydreaming during sermons. Naturally, when I came to college, I joined a fellowship to praise God. After a year of getting closer to God, I had to take a year off for personal reason. I questioned God. I felt that He was pushing me away when I have begun to get to know Him better. During a year of absence from school, God told me that He just wanted to spend 1 on 1 time with me. He wanted to teach me that I do not need to depend on others to be closer to Him, but on Him alone.           

   However, when I came back to school, I pushed God away. I did my worst academically and spiritually. I just couldn’t overcome academic challenges, so I kept pushing God down my priorities so that I could focus on school. That obviously did not go well. Fortunately for me, I found Jesus in my life again. This semester, I joined a ministry that could help me set my eyes upon God. I was proud and felt loved by His sons and daughters. My joining the ministry seemed like a sign that God has not let go of me… until people have expressed their concerns for me (I do not want to go too much in detail about the ministry for its privacy). I sought out God’s help and He answered. I was able to speak to different pastors and leaders of fellowships to set my eyes on TRUTH.

    Just when I thought God has placed me in a right place to grow, He placed me in a place where I can seek out the truth. I think He wanted to weed out the worst while I was in the slump so that I do not fall into another slump after climbing back out of the hole. Because of those experiences and struggles God has given me, I am so willing to seek out for Him. I love my Abba and trust that He will continue to guide me.


As always, I do not know how to finish my post, but I would love to share my experiences with readers who are truly interested, so please feel free to ask me via e-mail. Also, what are you giving up for lent?


Finding Beauty

Beauty is something that surrounds us, yet we strive to long for and fail to perceive it.

Veraciously, it is challenging to find beauty in struggles, frustration, and anxiety, but I would go on to argue that it is a blessing in disguise, waiting to be deciphered.

Sure, I have been on the same boat: struggling to find a destination in my life, my purpose in life.

Growing up, I have turned all my struggles to God, and in times of failures, I assured myself that I should not worry so much, because God has a greater plan for me. However, once you repeat the same reassuring phrase to yourself, you would be surprised to find that that phrase had merely been a sugarcoated phrase. And I was no exception. I was greatly dismayed and perplexed when I discovered the boundary between fully relying on God and using God as an excuse.

Since the realization, my goal had become a bit more clear: fully utilize all the opportunities He has endowed upon us to work toward His plan. But how? How can I possibly say that I fully believe in Heaven, a place that holds our true treasures, when I struggle with my problems on earth? If so, what is my purpose here, and how can I seize the opportunities to discover my purpose?

Well, I did not have to look too far to find the answer.

People work assiduously to provide the best for themselves, their family, and their future. Yes, we are accustomed to believe that money is the solution to all problems, although many believe that money cannot buy happiness. A paradox or, perhaps, a belying sentiment, you could call it.

What people really want is happiness in life. Regrettably, the society has turned us into robots that fixed our brains to work and compete against one another. Yes, I understand that competitions bring out the best in us, but it surely does not give us the reason to empathize with others and to belittle ourselves. Altruism is gone along with humility… and along with beauty that we so seek.

I understand that my next statements will or could contradict all of my baffling statements stated above, but the problem we have is what makes everything so beautiful. If we let ourselves become complacent, what else can we possibly long for? If we are indifferent to our struggles, what can be said of that? Those frustrations and anxiety are the substantiations that beauty exists. Those are the compelling forces that drive us to work harder, to seek greater joy, to discover beauty in life. In a way it is a cycle, but once you can convince yourself that every aspect of the cycle is beautiful, it will make sense.

Just look at the children around us. The younger generation that will fill our shoes in years look up to us… but we should look up to/down at(?) them. They know what life is all about; they know how to live their lives. And let’s not say that that is because they are free of work, although I cannot completely deny it. But really, why do we let ourselves follow the matters of consequence, and be reluctant to just learn to let go and live the life we used to when we were children? Do you realize how easy it is to make children happy, and how easy it is to see a genuine smile on their faces? You just have to be honest and show that you care. Next time a child smiles at you, instead of telling yourself that that smile made your day, keep in mind that you are the one that made his day. You will have created a cycle of beauty.

I know this was badly written and very unorganized, so I will try to redeem myself by paraphrasing my words:

Put aside temptations, snivels, and angst. Just remember that beauty is waiting to be discovered. Beauty has found its way to us, why not just believe in it. You just have to believe it to see it.

I believe we will be able to laugh in the future at the struggles that seem so big to us now, because of how little they actually are. Surely, that would put a smile on our wrinkly face and see the beauty of life in hindsight.